UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!

In review here is what has happened in the last er...two months?

We decided to stop looking for a house due to a minor (but major to me) set back. I convinced Joe that renting is much better decision for us right now. We however would love to rent his great grandmother's old house which is rented out by his uncle through an agency. However it's occupado right now. That would give us more space and consider having a child sooner

We are going to watch watch watch our money a little bit closer and try to aggressively pay off debt. Please pray that we both get raises- or rather that Joe gets a sizable one- which is possible.

I have decided to stop planning for the future so much and let things happen keep living but happen. God knows all why do I fight it?

I have went through old pics of myself that I put in an album and scanned them all and put them on a cd for safer keeping. It was so great to look back at my life like that. My mom just amazes me at how beautiful she was at my age and the fact that she had a kid (me) so young well younger than I am right now. I think she was excessively more mature than I was at that age. Of course I always think that of women after they become a mother. I should get on that....

To look back at Christmases gone by, it makes me think how I wish I had them back. Everything was simpler back then, less commericalized and we enjoyed it back then. I still do but I miss having it in my grandparents old basement. As a kid we always looked forward to that time. I wish we all could go back to simpler Christmases.....sigh. For now. I leave you with a pictures.

Tell me it's all going to be ok....

I am most worried about the end of this month. We go on vacation to the Outer Banks. Why am I worried about going there and being on vacation? Three reasons: I feel bad about taking a whole week off (mind you I haven't done this since we got married two years ago), Joe doesn't get paid while he's off for the 5 workdays, and I always worry about money- especially the gas prices although they seem to be going down.

I know I need a break and some time away but it wouldn't be so hard if it weren't later in the season. People usually take their vacations in the summer (most of the time). I've never been down in the Outer Banks this late. Plus I usually transition slowly into the Fall season but I still need to keep some summer stuff out. I just hope I can relax and rejuvenate.

I worry about money that we won't have enough saved. Joe doesn't get paid for that week and that is when our highest bills are due- personal loan and rent. I guess it's a good thing we don't have a house yet.

Just tell me everything will be ok. That God will provide and I'm worried about this too much. I'm just scared that's all.

Also I cried not bawling but cried and just let go of my emotions and told DH that I hate living away from my family, it's only 30-50 minutes but my mom and I are best friends. I would love to live closer but my current job kind of dictates where we move. DH works all over the place with his dad so it's not always an issue.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I don't know what to do about the future. I know I will have to work at least part-time due to me having to have insurance benefits since DH is classified as self-employed. I just don't know what to do. I don't like my job and want to do something different. I really don't want to go back to school because that means a cut in our pay.
We do know that we would like to TTC next fall so at least we have an idea for that

Any advice would be appreciated!

Baby fever? or just a fever....

Well I think I may have gotten baby fever. Although I haven't sipped the water or drank it yet! Without saying much- I've been noticing alot of babies lately. Kind of like when we started looking for a house and I see more for sale signs now. Either that or it could be the way the market is!

Sooner or later it will come a time when I have to get down to business and really keep in mind the fact that we are attempting that time. When I need to be more mindful of what I eat, our spending, etc etc. The kind of things you do to prepare for a baby. But I must say I've definitely caught on. I like the idea. We are moving in the direction. It's nice to have a direction. I'm more at ease since we have a time nailed down. Now make way for God to bless.

Lord, I pray that as we prepare for baby Heller that you would just help us to fix our eyes on you and never lose sight of your great will. You know us, you made us, you have never left us. I pray that as you know the future you know what our baby looks like. You know if and when you are going to give us a little one. I just pray that we remember everything is in Your hands and in Your plan. I love you Lord and I lift our dreams, our wants, our cares to You.

Here's to 27...

Ughhh. Do I have to turn the 2-7? Seriously. I still feel 25! Same thing with turning 21. I felt 18. Gosh. I had fun last night with a few friends and my mom (who's my best girlfriend anyway). We went to Rockwell's one of my favorite restaurants. Two of our friends left at the end and my mom. The rest of us went to Justin's parents house and hung out and talked, laughed and just pretty much stayed until midnight. Hadn't done that in awhile! Yes I'm getting old. ha not really. You're only as old as you feel right?

It just dawned on me...this whole baby thing? Well I'm kinda thinking I don't feel so young anymore that maybe I can deal with people seeing me with a baby bump? Stay tuned...

Memories....

I have written in over a week, but a thought came to my mind while watching the news with hubby. I have a very vivid photographic memory. I can remember clear back to when I was 2 yrs and 7 months old. My twin cousins were born and I remember my mom boosting me up to see them in the nursery. I can remember the lighting and my family members that were there. I also remember alot of the 80s music when I was 2 yrs old cruising in my mom's Ford Pinto which was white with reddish stripes, black interior and it was a 2 door. We didn't get to go to the beach when I was about 4 or 5 because the timing belt broke. I remember when my dad came to get my grandparents dog and put it to sleep. I remember his last car he had- we called it the 'green machine'. I remember him throwing me into the pool at 2 or 3 and telling me to swim (it is the way I learned to swim though and I don't regret him doing that). I remember my grandmother's black 80s mustang. I also remember my grandfather's old Datsun that I almost had my finger slammed in the tailgate. Is there a trend here? I seem to remember cars! I remember when I was about 3ish and I got Barbie undies from my great grandparents for part of my Christmas present and they were yellow and pink. I use to carry a towel around when I was 2ish and it had a cookie jar and cookies on it and I liked carrying it around because I liked the smell of the laundry detergent. I remember vividly the layout of my parents and I's first apt that we lived in from the time I was born until I was about 3. I remember when I was 3 and my mom, dad and I came back from a ride and stopped at my grandparents and I didn't have anything to swim in but all my cousins were in the pool so my mom told me to swim in the underwear. Those were the days. Times were easy. I am still thankful for my photographic memory. It gives me good memories, helped me through school with memorization and could help me if ever I needed it for a crime. I guess I could call it a gift- I don't know but I thank God for all those beautiful vivid memories in my mind. I hope they stick with me.

Relaxing weekend in the mountains...

I will start with pictures...

This is a flag made up of Christmas Balls

in the Penn-Wells Hotel in Wellsboro, PA

Hayley-dog and Papa on his tracker.

The boys hard at work. Look at my brother's face like he's hard at work!

Trev, Me and my favorite flower as a kid- Queen Anne's Lace. Mom and Trevor at the papa's 'Condo' where he hunts from.

Trev, Dad and Joe in the Condo. Me and Trevor in the trailer hanging out. Love my little bro!

And that's the weekend in pictures. We had fun with both our families. We relaxed alot and we did not want to leave. We saw a few deer and a bear. The ladies went shopping in Wellsboro at Dunham's and I got a great purse for 14.99 on sale and got 33 Christmas Cards in total for 6.00! They were running some great sales. So for every $20 you get back $2. So mom and Mama gave me there's on top of mine and I got a great embroidered flag for in our front garden someday with an 'H' on it. It is soo nice!

Why can't we do this every weekend???

Knock Knock....HELLO???

Does anyone really read this??? Or am I just typing to the void??? I want to know that real people do read this...please comment and tell me- it is appreciated!

Race Day

The annual Ben and Tim Day race was yesterday. I went over with my mom to the Hershey High School at 6ish which I surprised myself that I did (that early!) I handed out the race numbers as people came through the registration line. Then I ran the mile. I didn't do too well. I haven't been working out like I should and I could kick myself in the butt for that. Last year I ran the 5k. I want to do that again next year.

These are my times from previous years:
1996- 9:58 mile

2003- 9:50ish mile 3rd in 15+ females

2004- 8:58 mile 1st in 15+ females (note this was before Joe and when I was running almost everyday- gotta get back to doing that!)

2005-?

2006-?

2007- 5k 39:43

2008- we won't go there- ok fine...11 minute mile- depressing.

For nostalgia purposes here are some old pics from 2005-2007

2005

2006

2007 Joe

Apparently I wore the same thing last yr that I did this year.

So here's too getting my butt kicked into gear before next August!

Me...a mother???

No not yet. But I saw this site on someone else's blog- makemebabies.com. You upload you and your spouse's pic and see what your future baby would look like. I don't like what I see! Come on- Joe and I would have to give birth to cute kids! We were cute kids- complete with our golden (me) and him pure blonde hair. My blue eyes and his green eyes (who knows what that would come out to be- any genetic buffs in the house? But I showed Joe and I'm like I'm scared! He's like get real that's not going to happen. Now granted the kid wasn't butt ugly but seriously, God's got to give us a cuter baby than that! I just imagine both of our baby pictures and it is like- seriously we could have some cute kids. I hate computer designed baby pics! No matter what picture I used it didn't make it look much different. God please let us have cute children!

Takin a Break

I would LOVE to have my own house right now. However, we decided last night to take a break and then start looking again towards the end of the summer or between Fall/Winter. We are just not ready for the payments that we are going to encounter we would feel better paying off a little more stuff and saving. So we'll see. Continue to pray for us as we continue on this journey. I pray that God would show us when it's right that perfect house for us to start out in. It will be when the time is right and it's His timing. Sigh....

The House Hunting Game

Reasons why I can't wait to have a house:
1. I don't have to worry how loud I bang cabinets shut.
2. I don't have to worry what time I decide to put my dishwasher on.
3. We can use the surround sound feature of our TV again. Has not been used since February 14th of this year.
4. I can yell at J at the top of my lungs (JUST KIDDING)
5. I can start looking for a puppy.
6. I can finally (hopefully) park my car in a garage again at night.
7. I can paint the walls.
8. I can finally get a decor type nailed for myself.
9. J can walk around as loudly as possible (poor guy he's flat footed)
10. We can grille out.
11. We can have friends over and host things
12. More cabinet space and possibly a pantry.
13. I can get a shower whenever I want and not have to think about how late it is.
14. The subwoofer on the computer can be as loud as it can be.
15. A living space is finally mine and I can feel alot of 'good' pride about it.
16. God can be gloried through our home.

Ode to the little bro

Trevor is now 10 years old. His birthday was yesterday. I was 16 going on 17, 10 years ago! (Funny how we don't say 'going on' as we age!) What the heck! I even remember when I turned double digits! We will be celebrating on Friday night. He is having some friends over and I will go over after my dentist appt in Hershey at 1pm.

He has really changed our lives. I can't imagine not having a sibling now. I vaguely remember what it was like just me and the rents. I use to call us the 3 musketeers. It was just me opening gifts at Christmas. But I feel like he's always been around.

Window Table

So I got this really cool idea online. I found a FREE window on the side of the road at a window installation business outside of Ephrata. Here is the idea:

It would be the lower right hand corner. Sorry I was lazy and didn't crop the picture to just show that table. I thought it would make a pretty cool coffeetable or side table for our new living room in our house. I'm not sure what color I would want it to be though. White or a varnished wood. I'm so excited though. It would be able to display things inside kind of like a shadow box (which we would put a hinge on the one side. This girl put her wedding album inside. I'm so excited to get started! Ours has just the one 'grid' going across instead of the 6 grid look- I don't know what the hang you call it! I'll have to show the finished product when we get it finished!

Stay tuned for house news. Joe decided to stop looking at any other homes until we figure out if in fact we will get to purchase that townhome I would love to buy. Apparently there is some financing deal we could work out. Keep the prayers going! It's working. I can see God's hand working in our lives and it's all because of the prayers and the faith that I'm learning consistently on a daily basis through this whole process with housing and finances. Praise God through whom ALL blessings flow!!!

Townhouse

Sooo we may be able to purchase a townhouse that is owned by the builder's daughter (Joe and his dad are contracted to do roofing and siding for). They are missionaries over in Europe and want to sell. On top of that it's in the townhouse community that I have wanted to live in since we first set foot in friends of ours from our young adult group at church. The homes are so great! They are built by Garman Builders which build very nice homes in this area. Have admired their projects for some time. So Joe is waiting to hear tomorrow from Mr. Martin if he has talked to his daughter or son in law about it. He knows we are interested we just have to wait and see what they will offer to us since it hasn't even gone on the market yet. I'm hoping and praying that it works out. God has been so good to us. I know it's just going to get better and better.

So to answer the question that might be on your mind from the previous post- we are holding off on the 1930s house. The whole closet thing is concerning Joe too. And we all know how I love my closet space!

So we ask that you continue to partner in prayer that things would go smoothly and God would reveal the ideal home for us- I know the first house isn't always perfect but I would like to feel at home and feel at peace.

So nervous.....

We are going to make an offer on Tuesday. It's a 1930 brick semi. It reminds me of a place that would be in Hershey or in Riverside, Illinois where my friend Sarah (Catalano) Pollock is from. I love the character of early 1900s homes but I'm nervous of gaining ownership of one. I've always lived with the mentality with older things (such as cars, etc.) that what if this breaks...what if that breaks... how much is it going to cost me....yada yada. So that's what I'm living with right now.
Plus it's:
- oil heat (no big whoop I guess it's only for 3 months or so a year).
-the bathroom is an older bathroom but sooo cool.
-it doesn't have a WHOLE lot of closet space. I guess I could deal right? It does have alot of storage which is great.
-it has the old light switches downstairs
-hardwood flooring
-newer flat cooktop in the kitchen and a dishwasher.
-it has a 3 car detached garage (you know the old block garages).
-it has beautiful stain glass windows in the upstairs and back windows.
-it has a finished basement and amazingly old safe that is HUGE.
-Oh and the chandelier in the dining room
-amazing french doors separating the living room from the dining room and kitchen from living room.
- there was a lead problem in the house and with the gutter attached to the garage. It has been dealt with but the soil that leached the lead is still affected so I don't know how this will be remedied. I'm worried for the plants that yield- grapes and tomatoes (not that I eat tomatoes). Plus if we have a dog that might dig in the soil. Or if I may be effected when I get pregnant.

So I don't know what to do. Joe is all for it. Yet I'm the one that worries if something goes wrong with whatever. I'm such a worrywart!

Quick Heller Update:

We are currently house hunting- due to the market and how the interest rates are going to start to climb again, and our rent went up last month- we figure it's the best time for us even though it's not a GREAT time. But when is it ever? Pray for us that we will pick the best one for our wallet and that God would direct is where we are to go and be in control of our finances. Hopefully it won't be rough the first few months but with God's control it won't be.

Here comes 3 years...

That's just crazy! Next year Joe and I won't only be married for 3 years but know each other for 5 years! That's just crazy to me- half a decade! Not only has he been the only real boyfriend I've ever had but the one that really understands me! I want to take a few moments to state why I love this man so much.

1. He can put up with my many moods because let's face it- that's a feat in itself. I can hardly deal with mine sometimes. Couple that with the Pill- look out people! What a nightmare!
2. We can weather any storm that life deals us- us and God!
3. We both enjoy being goofy and laughing at each other.
4. We both LOVE honey mustard.
5. oh and ice cream.
6. We bring out the best in each other.
7. I love that he can run fast and yes I love how he runs.
8. I love that we can really debate on things together. Apparently I am a socialist!
9. He doesn't mind going shopping with me.
10. He tells me to buy a Vera Bradley bag even though I don't want to pay that much!
11. He wants to be a daddy someday- just not right now :)
12. He knows when to be quiet :)
13. He is pretty wicked at guitar hero
14. He's into sports and all that manly stuff but he will watch some chick flicks with me.
15. He asked me to marry him and I said yes :)

Water Off a Duck's Back....

My long time friend Nate once said he never worries about things (things that don't matter much) and lets them just roll right off like a 'water off a ducks back'. This came up again when Joe, he and I were talking outside of church tonight. We were talking about how we have loans to pay off and how others have homes and have them because they don't have much debt if any other than the house they are paying a mortgage on. I said how I hate paying money to something that is not going to yield any profit- renting. He said 'you have a place to live right?' I said yes that is true but I want a place to call our own. Because once I have that then we will begin the road and setting things up to start having children.

He continued to say how he doesn't worry about debt- as long as you have the money to pay it off and you have each other and God what else do you need? This is true. It reminded me again of Nate's philosophy. I need to develop this. Water off a duck's back. Let God handle it. This is one of my biggest struggles. It's terrible I know! I am a control freak- there I said it. I am working on it. I'm working on letting Joe do more household chores to help out. I know he can handle it I just don't know how to hand it over. Again it's hard for me to give things over to God. But doesn't he already know what is going to happen? Why is that so hard for me to understand? He knows ALL. He holds me in the palm of His hand. He has it all figured out- I truly don't. I'm not a know it all!

God help me to understand that You know my future. You know my coming and my goings . You know when I sit down and when I'm going to stand up again. You know how many hairs I have on my head. God you are my all in all. You get me. Now Lord take my worries, my anxious thoughts, our finances and guide me and bless us the way only You can. Keep us safe and grant us mercy. AMEN.

We are in the process (well actually I am) in finding out what our Redemptive gifts are. These are different from Spiritual Gifts. Joe is pretty transparent and can be figured out right away. There are seven that God has and one of which each person is given. Prophet, Exhorter, Ruler, Teacher, Giver, Servant, Mercy. Joe is Servant. I'm pretty sure I am Giver. Check out The Redemptive Gifts of Individuals by Arthur Burk.

The Chapmans

Joe's favorite singer's family just lost their 5 year old adopted daughter to an accident on their property. As most of you know Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter Maria Sue was accidentally hit by the Toyota her brother was driving out of the driveway. She had just celebrated her 5th birthday 10 days earlier. The family had just hours prior been celebrating their eldest daughter's engagement and were preparing to have a graduation party for their other son. My heart just breaks for the family and particularly the son who has to deal with this trauma. I hope you will join us in praying that God wraps His loving arms around this family and holds them tight. I can not imagine what they are going through!

The Summer of Weddings

It's another year just like we had back in 2005. Alot of weddings! The first one is this coming weekend May 24th. Skip a week and then my cousin's is on June 7th. Then flip to the following week on Friday June 13th at 6:30pm. No this couple isn't crazy I think it's rather cool to defy superstition! Then Sept 13th is the fourth one. Not sure if there will be any in between but we've been surprised before so we shall see!

June 10th is fast approaching- our 2nd wedding anniversary. Crazy! This yr has been a better one as we get more use to the married life and I am no longer on the pill. It made me go crazy and I didn't feel like myself at all! Poor Joe he probably wondered who the heck he married! I've felt more like myself than ever well since we've gotten married that is- thank the Lord! I laugh more and yell less! And perhaps worry less too I think!

So I got my dress that I need for at least two weddings (luckily it's not the same group of people) I do love this dress:

with this sweater:

I can't wait to wear it! i broke in my shoes too so that's good. I won't slip or anything! At least hopefully I won't fall while dancing!

I'm excited for these next few weeks! Something to look forward to!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Today I spent time with my mom. Yesterday we spent time with Joe's mom. We slept over Saturday night and went to church at my home church. We went over to Pastor and Paula's house (our family is very close with them and their son Chris). Two other families whom my family is close to as well joined us. We had chicken, steak, potatoes, salad, a healthy and delicious coucous, tomato and feta cheese dish and dessert was ice cream cake from Brusters (or however you spell it)! Yummy!

I love spending time with my family so much. I want to take some time and talk about my relationship with my mom. We have a mother/daughter relationship that not many of my friends share with their mothers. My mom and I are nearly 20 yrs apart. We are like sisters. Although we hardly fight. We did maybe a bit in my teenage yrs but that's because I was young and naive and she was just trying to protect me---mom I'm sorry for the incident with wanting to drive to VA by myself to go see nasty Greg!

My mom and I are alot alike and we have our little inside jokes, clothes, movies, music, and the same personalities. I go to my mom for everything. I can tell her anything. Yes to some that surprising but I regard my mom as not only my mom but my friend and confidant. I am so glad we have that relationship because it has been so much help over the years. I can't imagine having a different relationship that I do with my mom. Who needs a diary when I have my mom!
I love my mom's friends too. They are so much fun. I love to hang out with them. They are hysterical and only bring out the best in my mom even more! They have a great support team there.

I love my mom so dearly and can't say enough about her. Mom you're the best! And I'm glad you are mine!

Mind dump and wishes....

1. I wish things never had to change: never had to move away from my hometown (even though my new one is just fine- my family isn't here but my married family is).

2. I wish I could redo high school (certain things: pay closer attention to school work, not been so boy crazy, spent more time with parents and baby brother, cared more to work out).

3. I wish I would have thought through the whole college thing and not slacked off.

4. I wish we had a little bit more money and less debt. A house would be nice.

5. I wish I had a better paying job that I really liked- maybe at a school district.

6. I wish I worried less.

7. We need to go to church more, tithe and do devotions together.

8. I hope my family knows just how much I love them and miss them.

9. I want a dog badly.

10. I wish I were more stylish or knew how to be stylish!

11. I wish I kept my mouth shut and didn't spout things off so easily.

12. I want to truly embrace the summer and enjoy it for all it's worth and not let work get in the way so much.

13. I hope things work out for the future- house, dog, child and that we truly are happy the way we are suppose to be as a married couple.

14. I always feel younger than I actually am and think I can be immature at times and that bugs me.

15. I love to dance and truly feel free to act like I'm on stage. That is my passion.

16. I wish I could go to Ireland and visit.

17. I want to have a baby yet we aren't ready just yet and I am nervous to get pregnant and have my family see me that way- I still feel soo young see #14.

18. I love to lay on the hammock in my parents backyard on a nice warm summer day with my mom, dad or brother and just talk.

19. I met my husband for the first time in a coffeehouse while doing one of the things I love to do most: writing. I didn't even see it coming.

20. My birthday is in 5 months on the 20th.

I've been a slacker!

I promise! I'll update soon!

Happy St Patrick's day

Yes the date of this post says 3/16/08- however by the time you read this it will indeed be 3/17.
So Happy St Patrick's Day from me- an Irish Lass, complete with an irish gaelic name- Tara. I love this day. It gives me reason to celebrate not only and Irish Holiday in one week but the start of Spring later in the week- HOORAY!

Tonight we got together with the young adults in our church and it was alot of fun. We are going to try to get together every 3rd Sunday. I can't wait. It's nice to finally get to know the people in the church our age. Most of which Joe has known for a long time since he grew up in that church. Me I'm a transplant so I don't know alot of them. I'm glad we are finally trying to get something off the ground.

I'm considering a career change- I just don't know what. If you have any ideas let me know. I need something that is going to pay more, has good benefits (which I do have presently- I just want to continue to have good benefits) and something that I could really do well in. I'm going to pray for direction, if you could pray for me too if you think about it.

I feel like God is redirecting Joe and I's life/lives. I feel so much freer. There are so many more possiblities now that we have weeded somethings out. We've taken a look at our finances and decided where we need to readjust, I'm thinking about doing something different and I feel so much better about life. Thank you Jesus.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Good Night, TK

SPRING WHERE ARE YOU???

I can't wait for spring to get here. I love to wear my flip flops capris and short sleeve shirts. I'm so tired of wearing my fake Uggs, sweaters and bundling up to go outside. I actually really like the new colors and styles- they are kind of growing on me. Except the bright yellow- that will never be one I will where- it doesn't go with my skin tone. Although there was an Old Navy polo or was it GAP? Any how it was more of a buttercup yellow- I loved it. But I lost weight and had to ditch it.

I can't wait to be able to wear shorts to the gym. Tonight after my post-gym shower I put on some natural glow lotion and I love how it looks already. I need that every spring! I can't wait to go shopping for some new dresses (all I own are the classic black- strapless with bright embroidery, black classy looking, and a dressy black one I almost never wear). We have 3 weddings this summer so I have to get some summer dresses if it kills me!

Oh and check out what we just got for Free!!!

I love it!!! It's a little too big for our apt (in my opinion) but we aren't going to be here real long anyways. So when we have a house it will be perfect! My co-workers daughter wanted to get rid of it and was offering it for free. So of course I jumped on that chance!

No longer a Mirage

Thursday night we finally decided on going to a local realty's First Time Home Buyers seminar. It really opened our eyes to the possiblity of having a house sooner than we thought. However we are still holding off and not jumping into it quickly. We still decided that we will continue on with our short term goal of paying off all the little debt as fast as we can and saving too. We can do it I know we can. With God's help it is possible. I lean on His promise everyday. I think that's what gets me through and makes me not so jealous of what others have right now. What I know that alot of newlywed friends don't have is a baby. That I can hold off on as long as I have already decided but I do want a puppy.

I love puppies and dogs. I love my Hayley girl but alas she lives at my parents and brother's house. I love to visit her often. I can't wait to present her with her niece dog someday. Hopefully within the next yr Lord willing. She would have so much fun and and they would together too. I will be naming her Bayley. Ha how cute! I have the name just not the dog!

So I can rest easier now knowing that my wish for the future is not a long long long way off. It will be here when it is meant to be. And when we are prepared for it. WOOHOO!

Somedays I wonder if I'll ever be ready...

I recently decided (along with Joe too) that we are going to wait until we are 30 to start trying to conceive (I’m older by 4 months that’s why I say I decided). I just feel like we should have our debt a little lower than we have it now. It would just not be conducive to have a kid on the income/debt that we have right now. Also we just recently visited a friend of Joe's and his wife and they just had a little boy. Just watching all that goes into just a few hours of being around a baby, I thought to myself I couldn’t do this right now!
I asked Joe if he’s ready for that and he said no. I asked why do you say that (I wanted to know his reason) and he said because I enjoy it just being us right now and being able to up and go here and there). I totally agree. The other month I had to run errand one day for a friend’s wedding, had a gyno appt, and then had to go to a friend’s house to get ready for a wedding that night. I could not have done that with a baby being lugged around. I would not want to put a little thing through all that running around! That’s the day I decided after the appt that I should wait.
Somedays I wonder if I’ll ever be ready though- physically mentally and emotionally. I want to have a dog first so at least I know I can handle having a dog. But we need a house in order to have a dog (which I know we will have in time.)
I told Joe that I feel like my biological clock is ticking and if I wait too long it could get risky. I know it’s always risky but the older you get it does come with a risk.
I just wanted to share my thoughts if anyone wants to comment or offer advice I would love to take it. Thanks!

Enjoy life to the fullest

I've been told don't take life so seriously. Enjoy it. Well sometimes that's hard for me. You see I'm a control freak. An organized to the tee control freak. I want to be able to have fun and relax but some things are hard. I worry about sooo much. I worry about money. I worry if we will ever get a house. I wonder if we'll ever be able to be on the right track to have a baby.
I remember in high school and college all I worried about was if my latest crush would ever like me or if I would ever get a boyfriend or even get married. I should have just got the heck out of college and got my MRS degree as one friend said one time. I shouldn't have even went to college if that's all I was concerned about- I hated studying and could never concentrate. I often say now that I think I have A.D.D. and that's why I could never concentrate. Ok back to the topic at hand. But if I wouldn't have gone to college to friends of mine maybe wouldn't have found each other.

I know I should start relying on God and let him deal with my anxiety because obviously He knows all and He knows what is going to happen. Sometimes I feel like I have to help things along or if I don't do this or that it won't happen. I am reminded of a passage in the Luke 12:21-23 that states- "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes."

Life is more than things that we worry about. It is about serving people and having a close relationship with our Heavenly Father. I need to keep reminding myself of this when I worry about the future. Because I know who holds the future and that is the King of Kings the Lord of Lords and the God of the universe! He is my Heavenly Father! and I am His child. How wonderful is that!

Single Awareness Day becomes Valentines' Day

4 years and counting for me....

It's hard to believe that tomorrow will be Joe and I's 4th Valentines' Day together. Even harder to believe that it use to be my worst day of the year. I hated that day- aside from the fact that my parents would make me feel special and I would receive an arrangement or something and a card from them. That made me feel so much better since I was single. Single Awareness day I use to call it. The day once a year that singles are painfully aware that they aren't dating anyone. I use to try to get together with all my single friends and do something so it wasn't just a day full of roses or flowers and cards and chocolates and pink (oh how I love pink) and reds and people who showed how they love each other! Why not do that any other year? Gives Hallmark another day to produce things- cards, stuffed animals, etc. to get more revenue. Don't get me wrong I love the day now that I have found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with but I can do that any other day of the year.

So what are our big V-day plans??? Well honestly we both enjoyed the evening we had last yr when we had the Valentines' snow. So we are going to rent movies (I have buy one get one free from Blockbuster's emails) and then we are ordering chinese. Then snuggling together enjoying each other's company. Saturday we are going to my family's church for the Valentines' Day party- we are having stuffed shells (my mom is making some), red velvet cake and playing some themed games and enjoying the fellowship there. I can't wait! I love spending time with those people!

Well I hope everyone has a wonderful day tomorrow and enjoys the love from their loved ones!

God Bless!
TK

The start of something new but old

So most of you know that I love to write. I have written stories, poems, tons of letters, newspaper articles,etc. I haven't journaled everyday since fall of 2004 and as lately as June 2006. Why? Why have I let something I'm so good at and that is so therapeutic be left behind? Who knows. But I know somedays it's easier to type out my feelings than sit down and write. Maybe someday I'll sit down and make it more of a habit to write in written form but this will suffice for now.

In Tara's news today: I hope that I get off from work early because of the snow and ice. I would rather be at home relaxing with Joe. Plus I hate driving in that stuff. Kids get out of school so quickly today- lucky ducks. I would love to stay home and bake cupcakes or something. I saw on Martha today some wonderful strawberry cupcakes that I could make- yummy!

Joe and I are good for anyone who's wondering. We are trying to save up for a house but somedays I feel like we are rendered helpless and will never get one. God knows all and we are resting in his arms knowing that His plans are not ours- what a humbling experience! The other night on our drive home from my parents I asked him as I always ask him the hard hitting questions to get inside his head- Why do you want a house as bad as I do? His reply? - so we can start having babies (said with a smile). I chuckled to myself- what a sweet guy!